By Aliki Kraterou
A mum-of-four has revealed her secret to 10 years of wedded bliss – inviting another woman to sleep with her husband.
Kat and Justin Taddei have been happily married for 10 years, but 12 months ago, Kat invited her work colleague Nikki into their relationship – and are now blissfully happy living as a throuple.
The trio, who have been living with the couple’s four children, Jean, 12, Alexis, 8, Portia, 7 and Marcus, 4, for the last year, are planning on celebrating the couple’s 10 year wedding anniversary next year is by inviting someone else into the marital bed.
Kat, 29, a stay-at-home mum of four, said: “It might not be a lifestyle that suits everyone but it works for us and I can’t wait to have a husband and a wife.
“We didn’t expect it but everything clicked at the right time- it was just natural for us.
“We are not saying others should follow our example, just not to criticise us.
“I posted a thing on Facebook to let everyone know what was going on and everybody’s response was ‘if you are happy, we’re happy’ , everyone was super supportive.
“We just really want other people to know it’s not about sex because we get asked that a lot- it’s not a sex thing, it’s a love thing.
“I’ve always been very open with my kids and when we told them Nikki would be moving in with us it didn’t even faze them.
“We told them we were going to marry Nikki and they told us: ‘That’s awesome!’ and wanted to be flower girls.
“They are really excited about the wedding, they just see Nikki as one more person to love them.”
“We are planning a commitment ceremony next year when it will be mine and Justin’s 10 year anniversary- her first year and our tenth year.
“We wanted to use this date because it was already important and meaningful to Justin and I and now it will be for us three.”
“We are planning a country themed wedding, that will take place in a rustic barn in navy and mauve colours.
Nikki added: “Planning the wedding, it’s been something – Kat is completely out there and I’m very more traditional in a sense.
“She was talking about doing a Game of Thrones theme and I’m over here with the Country theme- In the end she let me decide as this is my first time getting married.
“We found the dresses we love- we probably put on 30 dresses between us two first.
“It’s been really special to plan a wedding with two other people.”
The threesome share one king-size bed in their home in Idaho, so none of them ever feel left out – but do have a separate room that any of the trio just want to get some shut eye.
Kat and Justin, 38, an automotive painter, have been married for nine years and although they had spoken about polyamory in the past, they didn’t think it would happen for them up until they met Nikki Mattoon, 28.
Kat, who has always identified as bisexual met Nikki, also bisexual, in the call centre they were both working at and invited her for dinner over Christmas time, when she introduced her to Justin and ‘since then she never left’.
She said: “I have always been bisexual, I’ve dated more women than men , I’ve had girlfriends in high school -it felt comfortable for me because being married to a man doesn’t stop me from liking women.
“We had a good marriage, we try not to have drama, we never had arguments.
“We have our kids and our home life, and we actually have a decent marriage- it’s not perfect of course by any means.
“It was just something really natural for us and then Justin and Nikki really hit it off as well- so we all just complete each other.
“There wasn’t really a conversation between me and Justin beforehand, it was more like ‘so this is happening, are you ok with it?’
“It was more like, I want to be myself, I don’t want to hide the fact that I am bisexual from anybody, I like girls and guys and I think I should have the opportunity to have both- why should I have to conform to society’s idea of one person to be in love with?
Justin added: “We spoke and researched about polyamory before, but we never actually pursued it and when our relationship happened, it was all accidental and natural, we didn’t expect it, everything worked and clicked at the right time.
”Nikki and I clicked right away , we are very similar people in a lot of aspects like our views and things we find funny, our mannerisms, so we clicked right away.
“I’ve always supported Kat no matter what it was, I always knew she was bisexual and if there was something she wanted to do that was going to make her happy I was going to support her 100%.
Kat and Justin who met at culinary school back in 2009 and got married a year later, were very excited to have Nikki moving in with them, almost a month after they all met.
Initially Nikki had her own room, for about a month when the trio decided they prefer to sleep all together in a king sized bed- they also have a twin in case one of them wants their own space.
Kat added: “The best way for a polyamorous relationship to work is with open communication.
“If one of us is upset, no matter whose feeling he might hurt, we talk about it- we don’t keep it inside, that just makes it cluster and then it turns into a big bomb and nobody’s happy.
Nikki said: “I have very different friendships with both of them but they were really great.
“The kids fell in love with me and we bonded and it all just fell into place.
“We didn’t have to try, it wasn’t something that any of us were looking for, it all just clicked.
“Every decision you make, you are thinking about two other people so it definitely makes you make more wise decisions, it helps you really think through the way you phrase things so you won’t hurt someone’s feelings.
“Justin and I tend to butt heads a lot, it’s not a bad thing, it’s not unhealthy, it’s more bickering -we have the same personality so when we are arguing I really have to think what I’ll say to him because it’s really like talking to myself.
“You make things work differently and you think things through and you work on your communication skills.
“I felt a bit left out at first because obviously Justin and Kat have their own way of communication. – it took a while for me to realise I’m not just this third person and I can be involved in all the conversations.
“It took a little bit of time especially with parenting- I didn’t have kids prior to our relationship but I’m still working on it.
Kat: “At first it was like a jealously thing, then it quickly turned into a ‘I’m ok with it because I love them.’
Justin: “The biggest challenge for me is making sure I spend time with both of them equally, making sure nobody’s left out or feels neglected- it’s really just spreading my time out between them and work and the kids, just make everything even. “
“We are poly-monogamist, we are not really looking for anybody else, we know there are poly relationship with more people but we think it’d take away from the relationship we already have.
“We’ve had people messaging us ‘how do I make my wife polyamorous’, it’s not about that, it’s about finding like-minded people.